I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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