Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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