Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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