I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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