Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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