Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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