woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
