new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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