You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Randomize
