Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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