Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
