U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
