then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
