Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
