No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
