Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
