My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
