All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
