All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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