I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
