kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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