When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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