i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
