wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
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