I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
