so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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