My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
