theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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