i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
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My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
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He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
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