the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
