who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
