i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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