You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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