did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
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