I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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