we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
