duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
