another moral hangover. fuck.
Can Purell be used as lube?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
