So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
