i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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