omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
