Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
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And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
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Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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