good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize