you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
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