singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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