hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
