if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
