it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
You were trust falling into bushes
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
