Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
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