He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
