My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Walk of Shame today included voting.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
