Is it normal to miss your booty call?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
