I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
We smell like vodka and hangover
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
