it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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