4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
