I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Swine flu is the new snow day.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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