I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
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