i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
