can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
