Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
