your parents love me but you hate me
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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