Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
