You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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