It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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