Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
