No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
