I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
