I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize