I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
