Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
