then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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