: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
