I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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