I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
