I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
