Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
