My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
i drank out of a bidet.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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