i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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