is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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