My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
