this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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