After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
