hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
