Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
