I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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